Part of that commitment includes the responsibility to teach people new to the Lifestyle what it is that the Lifestyle consists of, the Lifestyle's code of conduct, and how best to proceed with Swinging.
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- Swinging Lifestyle FAQ
What is Swinging?
Webster's Dictionary defines Swinging as, "to engage freely in sex".
NASCA (North American Swing Clubs Association) defines Swinging as, "social and sexual intercourse with someone other than your mate, boyfriend or girlfriend, excepting the traditional one-on-one dating".
Patti Thomas of Connection Magazine defines Swinging as, "An Alternative Lifestyle for consenting adults who enjoy social, recreational, and sexual activities with others, most often on a couple-to-couple basis, with full knowledge and mutual consent of both partners."
Swing-world.net defines Swinging as, "A Lifestyle dedicated to the principles of friendship, honesty, and open-mindedness, in which the participants have a single common interest: The enjoyment of alternative sexual activities".
Who are Swingers?
Many outsiders have misconceptions as to who and what Swingers are. The common belief is that they are a bunch of low-class, sexual-disease-ridden, immature, anarchical and deviant people who are just interested in "getting it on", consequences be damned. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Swingers are normal, everyday people. All economic, social, political, cultural, racial, and even religious (believe it or not) classes and views are represented in the Lifestyle, WITHOUT EXCEPTION.
Your next door neighbors could be Swingers, and you wouldn't even know it! Many in the Lifestyle are Police Officers, Bankers, Secretaries, Grocery Store Cerks, Politicians, Doctors, Lawyers, Mechanics, Store Managers, and so on. All ages are represented in the Lifestyle; from 18 year-old college students, up to 80 year-old retirees. And even all financial classes are repesented in the Lifestyle. From very Low-Income couples, up to the extremely rich Upper-Class.
You can also find Swingers in nearly every part of the country, even around the world! From the farmlands of Nebraska to the industrial cities in the NorthEastern U.S. From the tourist rich cities in Florida, to the desolate mountain areas in Montana.
Your most common Swingers, however, are in their early-30's to early-40's, upper middle class, living in metropolitan areas. But, always remember that Swinging Lifestyle demographics know no boundaries.
Three common attributes of true Swingers are Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Respectfulness. Swingers are generally very friendly and open amongst each other. Swingers are also emotionally and mentally mature people. Jealousy and other negative emotions are rare among true Swingers, and are not welcome in the Lifestyle. Bisexuality is common in the Lifestyle (although, Homosexuality is not). Even so, many Swingers are straight (Heterosexual).
Unlike many other Alternative Lifestyles, who take a more forward (in some cases, "militaristic") stance in presenting their Lifestyle to the public, Swingers, especially the Lifestyle as a whole, are very discreet. It is, for the most part, a closed society, in that newcomers must earn the trust and respect of their fellow Swingers before they are widely accepted. In most cases, this is due to the precarious positions that many Swingers find themselves in, since outside society does not fully respect or understand the Swinging Lifestyle.
As stated before, one of the common misconceptions is that Swingers are ridden with various Sexually-Transmitted Diseases, including AIDS. This is simply not true. STD's are virtually nonexistent in the Lifestyle, with VERY few exceptions, for a number of reasons.
First, Swingers care enough about themselves and the well-being of their partners to understand the very nature of STD's. Most Swingers are very health-conscious. Testing is a regular duty of a Swinger, and virtually all Swingers practice safe sex.
Those who do not use protection are those who generally engage in activities with people they know, trust, and who are as sure as possible that they are disease-free (for the record, Swing-World.net strongly recommends that everyone use protection during sex regardless of who it is with).
Finally, whenever an active Swinger actually develops a case of a Sexually-Transmitted Disease, they generally take responsibility for this and withdraw from the Lifestyle. Otherwise, if that person becomes known, they are generally shunned and rejected from engaging in sexual activities within the Lifestyle.
How are Swingers "classified"?
Swingers are first classified by the types of emotional relationships they are presently in. Those are Single Males, Single Females, Male/Female Couples (married and non-married), Triads, Groups, and Polyamorous families. Swingers are also classified by the types of sexual activities that they are comfortable with.
Couples, married and non-married, make up a majority of the Lifestyle. Many newcomers will find that most Swinging activities are "Couples Only". Couples generally join the Lifestyle to liven up their sexual relationship with one another, and to discover new activities and make new friends that they, as a couple, can both call their own. You will find that Swinging Couples are broken down into sub-categories: Couples where both are straight, Couples where both are Bisexual (a Bisexual person is one who engages in sexual activity with both sexes), and Couples where one is Bi and the other is straight. You will also commonly hear the term "Bi-Curious", which means that a person is mainly attracted to the opposite sex, but is interested in trying activities with the same sex.
Single Males are common in the Lifestyle, but are not always very well received. This is simply due to the stereotypical view of the sexually aggressive nature of the Human Male. Many Males try to enter the Lifestyle simply "looking for a quick lay". For a Single Male to proceed happily into the Lifestyle, he is required to be honest, trustworthy, and patient. Although it may take some time for him to integrate himself into the Lifestyle, he can succeed if he is open to new friendships and new experiences, and if he behaves himself properly.
Single Females are also common in the Lifestyle, and are somewhat better received than a Single Male. Part of the reason for this is because of the stereotypical view that women tend to be more submissive, less aggressive, and more emotionally mature. In truth, for a woman to be successful in the Lifestyle, she is required to be more forward and more open-minded than the stereotypical view. Another reason why women are more readily received is because of the large number of bisexual women in the Lifestyle. Bisexuality among Males is much less common. Many single women are attracted to the Lifestyle because of the strong emotional bonds that are established amongst many of the friendships in the Lifestyle.
Triads and Groups are usually friends who have bonded together for social purposes, in an effort to explore the Swinging Lifestyle more fully. Bisexuality is quite common in these circumstances, although heterosexuality is also just as common.
Polyamorous families are something that are not encountered on a regular basis, but are neither rare in the Lifestyle. A Poly family is a family, similar to a married couple, with the same emotional bonds as a married couple, but which involves 3 or more people. Most Poly families are a female/male/female or male/female/male type, but there are cases of more than 3 in a family.
One of the best known misconceptions is that all Polygamists are Swingers. This is not the case. Many Poly families do swing, but nevertheless retain the emotional bonds that exist only within their family. There are also many Poly families that engage in sexual activity ONLY with their mates in their own family. In essence, Swinging is having recreational sex with more than one mate, while Polygamy is having a strong emotional love with more than one mate. Polygamists are generally well-received in the Lifestyle, especially when one or more of the family members is Bisexual.
Swingers are also classified by the types of sexual activities that they are comfortable with. Listed below are some of the classifications:
- STRAIGHT - A person who engages in activities only with the opposite sex.
- GAY - A person who engages in activities only with the same sex.
- BISEXUAL - A person who engages in activities equally with both sexes.
- BI-CURIOUS - A person who engages in activities with one sex, but may be interested in trying the other sex.
- SOFT SWINGING - A Couple who will engage in flirting, foreplay, or voyeurism with others with others, but will only engage in sex with his/her own partner.
- SAME ROOM SEX - Two or more Couples will engage in sexual activity in the same room, but only with their own partners.
- SWAPPERS - Swingers who openly exchange sexual partners.
How do I get started in the Lifestyle, how do I meet other Swingers, and what should I expect?
Getting started in the Lifestyle is not an easy thing. It is one of the most gut-wrenching decisions a person/couple will ever make. Society has built up around us a set of traditional values that Swinging essentially disregards. Many "Virgin Swingers" must set aside certain sexual values that they were raised with, in order to step into the Lifestyle. They must be emotionally strong and mature, openminded, adventurous, understanding, respectful, courteous, and discreet.
For Couples, entering the Lifestyle is a huge step, and a huge risk. First, you need to gather as much information on the Lifestyle as possible. The information on this website is a good first step, as is purchasing any one of a number of books (listed below), or a good Swingers publication at a local adult bookstore.
Next, you need to discuss your feelings with your mate. Test the waters in passing, first. Make an offhand remark about "seeing something on TV about Swinging", or something to that extent. If you feel your mate is open to the idea, sit down and have a more open discussion about each others dreams, fantasies, and concerns. If you and your mate reach a consensus, then move on to the next step. Otherwise, do not even think about entering the Lifestyle.
Next, if you and your mate reach an agreement to consider Swinging, examine your relationship. Are you and your mate suffering any problems with one another? Are you both mature and strong enough to overcome any potential jealousy that may come to light in a Swinging experience? Always remember that Swinging enhances your relationship. If there are any problems in your relationship, Swinging will make them worse. If you and your mate have developed a strong and loving relationship, Swinging may improve your relationship dramatically. The biggest problems in Swinging comes from people who are ill-prepared to step into the Lifestyle.
Finally, decide what it is you want to accomplish in the Lifestyle, sexually. Set agreed upon limits and rules for both you and your mate to abide by, and stick with them. As you progress into the Lifestyle, adjust those limits and rules as you both see fit, making sure to respect each other's level of comfort.
For Singles, entering the Lifestyle is much more difficult. It is ALWAYS recommended that you find a partner of the opposite sex first, with an equal interest in the Lifestyle, before you enter it. Couples almost always fare better than Singles.
Once you've decided to enter the Lifestyle, the next step is to meet other Swingers. There are several ways you can accomplish this:
- Locate a Swingers Club/Social - One way to meet other Swingers is at a Swingers Club/Social Event. A Swingers Club is an actual physical location owned by Swingers, used by Swingers. They may be located in a private residence, a pub, a nightclub, a campground, or even a resort. Swingers Social Events are usually sponsored by a Swingers Social Group, that has no physical location. There are two types of Clubs/Events: On-Premises and Off-premises. An On-Premises Club/Event means that sexual activities are actually permissible right there. An Off-Premises Club/Event means that only social contact is permitted, and sexual activities must be taken elsewhere (usually the Club/Event sponsors will provide information on where to go).
- POSITIVE ASPECTS: You are guaranteed to meet Swingers there. You MAY meet someone who could serve as your mentor and help guide you into the Lifestyle.
- NEGATIVE ASPECTS: Many Swingers Clubs/Social Groups require membership. This may or may not include an interview. Some Clubs/Social Groups have high membership fees, and Events are usually costly. It is usually worth it, however, if you locate a reputable Club/Group. Unfortunately, many Clubs/Social Groups do tend to be overwhelming to Virgin Swingers who have yet to experience the Lifestyle.
- RECOMMENDATION: Locate a Club/Social Group near you with our club listings. Contact the owners of the Club/Social Group, find out what membership entails, and ask what their clientele is like. See if the Club owners can help introduce you to the Lifestyle. It is also wise to try to locate other Swingers beforehand, and ask about what the Club/Social Group is like.
- Go to an Adult Bookstore - Many adult bookstores have Personal Ad Boards posted for Swingers.
- POSITIVE ASPECTS: These will be Swingers located in your immediate area.
- NEGATIVE ASPECTS: People posting these Ads may or may not be Swingers, especially since posting these Ads usually don't cost anything. Also, contact information is limited, and most Ads almost never include pictures. Plus, answering these Ads usually DOES cost money. Results tend to be few and far between.
- RECOMMENDATION: Take control. Post your own Ad, and let people respond to it. If you do meet someone through the board, make sure you first meet them at a neutral location (a restaurant, nightclub, etc.) to ensure security and discretion.
- Pick up a Swingers Publication - Many adult bookstores, and some general bookstores, sell Swingers Magazines.
- POSITIVE ASPECTS: Nearly all of these publications are published by reputable Swingers. Although Personal Ads usually cost money to place, it is more likely that they are from true Swingers. Many Ads include photos.
- NEGATIVE ASPECTS: There is still a risk that some of the Swingers Ads may be from Non-Swingers. Also, responding to Ads can get expensive, and Swingers Magazines usually cost a good deal to begin with.
- RECOMMENDATION: While this is a very good place to start, don't expect spectacular results. Again, meet any contacts at a neutral location, for your sake.
- Surf the Internet - The Internet has MEGATONS of information for Swingers. Websites like Swing-World.net are ALWAYS a great place to start.
- POSITIVE ASPECTS: It is easy to locate information for Swingers online. Much of it can be found completely free of charge. You can also enter chat rooms and chat with Swingers, as well as with E-Mail and other communication programs, and you can get to know your contacts much better before you decide to meet with them. You can also meet other Swingers "in bulk". In other words, you can establish dozens more contacts than you could through a bulletin board in a bookstore, or in a Swingers Magazine.
- NEGATIVE ASPECTS: Some of the contacts you will establish may not be with true Swingers. The risks are slightly greater than in Swingers Magazines or in bulletin boards. Also, some "Swingers" websites are not Swingers-oriented at all. Instead, they are just using the name of the Lifestyle to peddle pornographic material.
- RECOMMENDATION: Contrary to the views of a number of prominent Swingers, the Internet is THE best way to meet other Swingers. You have better control, more anonymity, and a wider selection of places to choose from to locate Swingers Ads. The key is to locate a reputable website, such as Swing-World.net. Be wary of sites that charge to use. Some of them are outstanding websites, but others are complete ripoffs. Other good Swingers websites can be located on our Links section.
When you first enter the Lifestyle, don't expect results right away. It will take time for you to establish new friendships and contacts. You will also need to find your "niche" in the Lifestyle; where you fit it, what you like to do, where you like to go, etc.
Once things do start to roll for you, you will be making many significant changes in your life, overall. For starters, you are literally entering a "secret society". While Swinging has MANY benefits, you must also cope with the ramifications. If, because of other aspects of your life, you are required to use discretion, you will find that hiding your lifestyle choice can become weary. If, by some chance, friends, family, associates and co-workers outside of the Lifestyle find out that you are a Swinger, odds are you will be frowned upon. Be prepared to cope with the consequences of that. ALWAYS USE DISCRETION, unless you have no qualms about what other people think.
Also, if you have children, the best thing to do is to keep your lifestyle choice out of view of them. Kids do talk, and you may wind up with many problems if you live in a very conservative locality.
After reading all of this, you may ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" While that is a question that you alone must answer, you will find that the vast majority of Swingers answer with a resounding "YES"!
What are some of the rules that Swingers live by?
Here are some basic common sense guidelines to remember while Swinging:
- Discretion - In most cases, discretion is key to participation in the Swinging Lifestyle. In many instances, you will find Swingers who choose to go by their Nickname or "Handle", rather than their first names. Be cautious when asking about personal information while talking with any Swingers. Sometimes it is improper and impolite. Let the other person volunteer information first. Also, remember that what happens at any event/club STAYS at that event/club, or amongst other Swingers. Do not discuss what happens at events/clubs with the outside world. Remember that everyday society does not support the Swinging Lifestyle. Finally, NEVER talk to anyone in the Press/News Services about the Lifestyle. They almost always paint Swinging in a bad light, and have caused many problems for Swingers in the past.
- Drugs and Smoking - While most Swingers are drug-free, there may be a relative few who do drugs to varying degrees. It is wise to refrain and be respectful of others. As for smoking, it is always best to ask others around you first if you may smoke.
- Manners - When involved in sexual activity, you need to remember five things:
- Respect the boundaries and wishes of any individual;
- Never assume what any person, couple, or group enjoys or desires;
- Always ask permission before touching, watching, or joining an activity;
- No means No. If someone says, "No," move on and don't take it personally;
- ALWAYS communicate your wishes and desires before engaging in any activity.
- Debates/Arguments/Fighting - The primary reason swingers attend swinging events/clubs is to relax and have a good time. The last thing anyone wants to do is watch a fight or argument. It is always best to keep your temper, and take any issues that need to be discussed away from the view of others.
- Keep Negative Emotions in check - There may be times when someone else may anger or upset you, or when something may happen that may trigger Jealousy or another negative emotion. If this occurs, just leave the activity and walk away. Give yourself time to cool down and think and act rationally.
- Consider your actions - Just remember that we all must take responsibility for our actions. There may be times where you may lose control of yourself in the excitement of a particular activity and do something that you may later regret. Always consider your actions carefully before proceeding.
Where can I learn more about the Lifestyle?
This website should have all of the information you will ever need about the Lifestyle. But, if it still isn't enough, you may always check out our Links section for more Lifestyle websites.
Another exceptional resource where you can learn objective information about the Lifestyle, based upon actual scientific study, can be found at the website for the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. There, you will find a report by Dr. Curtis Bergstrand, Associate Professor of Sociology, Bellarmine University, which details the overall results of a national online survey of 1,092 swingers, concluded in October of 2000.
You can also obtain some of the books listed below, to help answer your questions and address your concerns:
- Recreational Sex: An Insider's Guide to the Swinging Lifestyle by Patti Thomas
- The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers by Terry Gould
- The Ultimate Swingers Guide by Tia Minell
- Threesome: How To Fulfill Your Favorite Fantasy by Lori Gammon, Bill Strong
- Swing, Dawn of a New Era: An Insiders Look at the Swinging Lifestyle by Steve & Cathy Marks
- Swing II, After the Dawn by Steve & Cathy Marks
- The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
- The Naked Truth About Hedonism II: A Naughty but Nice Guide to Jamaica's All-Inclusive, Very Adult Resort by Chris Santilli
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